I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize