i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
