Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
