so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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