My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
