I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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