I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
