We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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