My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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