You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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