We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
