You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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