Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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