Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
