I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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