from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
