Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
