She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
