You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
