girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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