I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
