I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This toilet bowl is my home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize