Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
