My first STD was from a foam party
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
