I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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