I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
