Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
