This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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