If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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