One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize