worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
