Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
