So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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