i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
