ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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