i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
