I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
