i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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