Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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