He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
