Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
