On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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