"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
