: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
