If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize