i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
