It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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