69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
