just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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