Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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