not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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