I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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