I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
