yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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