i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
