i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
