things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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