OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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