I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
