Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
