she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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