sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
