Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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