Are we in a gay sports bar?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
