it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
