He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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