She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
