I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
