i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
