You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize