I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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