I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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