I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
