i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
