Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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