Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
