I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize