the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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