you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
