How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FUCK WHALES
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
