my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
These tits shall not be calmed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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