She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
