i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
