Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Two words: blizzard sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
