he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i need some magic done to my vagina
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
