umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
