but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
