I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
