matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
