Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
