she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
