dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize