Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
