My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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