I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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