So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
