Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
