I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize