yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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