I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
